Why Self Esteem Matters

I have little patience with those people in the mental health field who insist self -esteem is a bad thing and they ought to know better. I think a lot of it is because of the erroneous messages th…

Source: Why Self Esteem Matters

HYPNOSIS

I want to give  my view of Hypnosis and even if you know what it is my view of it may be different. As  in Psychology and other disciplines my thinking is probably going to be different from what most people are accustomed . A simple definition of Hypnosis is that it is the bypass of the critical factor and the establishment of  selective thinking.

One word that is not in this definition is relaxation and relaxation is not Hypnosis or a necessary part of it. Hypnosis does not even require a formal induction. People go into a state of Hypnosis naturally. Examples of this are what is known as Highway hypnosis where a person is driving down the Highway and is so focused on their driving that they miss the turn off and also coughing in Church. When one person coughs it seems to suggest to others to do the same.

There are some myths and misconceptions about Hypnosis and I will not discuss all of them. One of them is the idea that a person may not wake up but, a person in hypnosis is not asleep in the first place. sometimes people may  fall asleep during a progressive relaxation induction but, that is not Hypnosis. it is a natural sleep and they will awaken normally. Another idea is that people are not aware of their environment but they are fully aware of the sounds around them and their environment. The most disturbing myth  most people have is the fear that they can be forced  to do something against their will. In the classic authoritarian form of Hypnosis this is completely false. In the covert form of Hypnosis there is some debate on the matter. When I write about Hypnosis here it is the traditional Authoritarian kind and not the covert type.

I believe that the depth of the Hypnotic state is important. There is a school of thought that says a light state of hypnosis is all right but, the problem is the suggestions will wear off after a short while. If you have sufficient depth in Hypnosis the suggestions are permanent and they do not have to be continually reinforced.

I do not like the progressive relaxation induction and It is the most common form you will encounter. Probably nine out of ten hypnotists will use this induction. It does not take a client to a sufficient depth and some people cannot relax. It is also easy to lose people in this process if  they cannot keep up. You  may not know if the client is actually into a state of Hypnosis. if it is late in the day or early there is the possibility of the client falling asleep which is unacceptable. So why do so many hypnotists use that induction? It may be the only one they were taught or it could be that they are afraid to use another induction because the progressive relaxation induction is a no challenge induction.

Regression is not used when it should be and maybe it is because the Hypnotist is afraid of it or has not been trained in it. There are certain instances when it has to be used for example in some weight control issues. If a hypnotist does direct suggestion with some issues the subject will resume their old behavior after a while because the issue causing it has not been resolved. it takes sufficient depth to do a regression and if a client is scared or tries to hard to go into a regression it can prevent it from happening. Hypnosis is regressive by its nature and some people may go into a spontaneous regression. I think some Hypnotists may fear a client going into an abreaction. If a person goes into an abreaction it is a negative emotional response and the Hypnotist can say to the subject. the scene fades as you tend to your breathing. A regression is the actual re-experiencing of past events. Sometimes a person may simply have a recall of past events but not re-experience the event.

Hypnosis is a tool that makes change easier by enlisting the aid of the subconscious mind. The critical factor is lazy and does not want to do the work to change. Hypnosis bypasses the critical factor to implant acceptable suggestions. Hypnosis is used to make many positive changes and reach personal goals.

 

FOCUS

Hypnosis For Change

Focus is where you put your mind’s attention. If a person dwells on what makes them unhappy they will  get more misery in life. The opposite is also true. As Tony Robbins says you get more of what you focus on. Negative thinking is a habit that  too many people engage in often. Negativity is in our environment. It is what a lot of us learned as children. It is better to focus on the steps to achieve a goal than on the obstacles or what scares us about endeavoring to reach it. We can become paralyzed by fear if we let our thought remain upon what could go wrong. Henry Ford said “Obstacles are those frightful things that you see when you take your eyes off your goals.” Focusing on what you want out of life is more productive than Focusing on what you don’t want. The Human mind…

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FOCUS

Focus is where you put your mind’s attention. If a person dwells on what makes them unhappy they will  get more misery in life. The opposite is also true. As Tony Robbins says you get more of what you focus on. Negative thinking is a habit that  too many people engage in often. Negativity is in our environment. It is what a lot of us learned as children. It is better to focus on the steps to achieve a goal than on the obstacles or what scares us about endeavoring to reach it. We can become paralyzed by fear if we let our thought remain upon what could go wrong. Henry Ford said “Obstacles are those frightful things that you see when you take your eyes off your goals.” Focusing on what you want out of life is more productive than Focusing on what you don’t want. The Human mind can only think about one thing at a time and it is best that it is something which is empowering.

I do not mean ignore the negative possibilities. You should anticipate and plan for them but to dwell upon them makes the task more difficult. A good goal setting plan will take the obstacles into consideration and plan for how to cope with them.  We also do that to ourselves by beating ourselves up and not giving ourself positive reinforcement. Your results in life are connected to your thinking and focus is the steering mechanism you can use to guide your thinking.

Focus has been described as a laser beam. Its like a magnifying glass under the sun. It is concentrated and  it is much more powerful than random scattered thoughts. We accomplish a task better if we are focused on it.

When asked about how he came up with his brilliant discoveries;Sir Isaac Newton said he did this by thinking of nothing else. It is a very hectic world and there are often many things competing for our attention so we need to concentrate on the important tasks and aspects of our lives if we are to be satisfied with our lives. There are many different aspects of life and we have to give attention to them and be present in the moment.

We should endeavor to be present with our family and not think about work and to concentrate on work when we are in that environment. The wrong mindset at the wrong time is  counterproductive. The ability to focus is an important ingredient for success.

The Time of Your Life

“We Cannot Put off living until we are ready,The msot salient character of life is its coerciveness It is alaways urgent”here and Now” without any possible postponement,life is fired at us point blank Jose Ortega Gasset”

Time is a finite resource. benjamin Ffrnaklin said “do not waste time for that is the stuff life is made of.” We would all like to think that we have time to accomplish  all of our life goals ad desires but,we often kid ourselves by telling ourselves ther ei splenty of time.We will do what we intend to do when the time is right but,often there is no perfect time when all of the circumstances are just right. I beleive that  two obstacles to achieving our goals are fear and copmplacency. Instead of confronting fear  we may tell ourselves  that we have the time to deal with our fears and don’t have to do it now.I will do it tomorrow is an infamous lie that a lot of addicts as well as others  tell themselves.A sign I saw in a church said it well.Today is yesterday’s tomorrow.its such a simple and profound statement. The present is the only time we have to work with. we cannot lament the past or be sure of the future. It has been said that nmost people come to the end of their lives and regret what they didn’ty accomplish much more that what they might have done. One of the most important parts of goal accomplishment is taking action. We must also have a vision and be able to find and cultivate the courage to go after what we want. We have to begin ,follow through and sustain our efforts. Succes is doing a lot of little things and ssome scary things consistently. Art Williams in his book “All you Can do Is all You can do ;but all you can Do is enough’ mentions that as he was establishing A.L. Williams he had to deal with the uncomfortable  aspects of selling.It wasn’t one big leap it was a consistent struggle. So often we think of succes as one big leap but,that isn’t usually the case. If we are not where we want  to be it may be useful to ask ourselves why not? We might also look into the future to see where will will be if we stay on the course we are on.If we don’t like the answer then what we have to do is change the course by deciding where we want to be and taking different actions. I don’t think we want to be in the future and lament about what could have been. The benefits of succes will make us happier than recalling a disppointed life of missed opportunities.

Kaizen

Kaizen is a Japanese word meaning Constant continual improvement. It is used to apply to many parts of lifeincluding Relatinships and Business. The Japanese Auto industry is not complacent. Good enough isn’t satisfactory. The Japanese are continously seeking improvement in their automobile and thy are already very high quality.. Motivational speaker  Tony Robbins developed a discipline from Kaizen that he calls CANI. It stands for Constant and never ending improvement. Kaizen is small consistent steps to improvement. I think there is a natural human tendency to be complacent. Kaizen challenges us to improve on what is already good. The steps are small incremental daily improvements so that they are not overwhelming. A book titled “The Kaizen Way” by Dr. edward Maurer discusses the concept of Kaizen in a helpful way. The book points out that by taking small steps we can make make progress without setting off our body’s internal alarm sysyem. We can also do unpleasant tasks by getting started a little at a time. Kaizen can have a lot of uses from Business to marriage,family.,skills,hobbies and self improvement. We can consult with our friends,family , and business associates to give us input in where we want our business and relationships to go. We can have an agreement on goals and work together to achieve them. We don’t have to do everything at once we can use  Kaizen to make small and very marked improvements over time.The concept of kaizen is very useful for success.

Charisma and Human Relations

Charisma is one of those qualities which is difficult to describe,yet we seem to recognize it in people when we see it. I have what I some thoughts on the subject that I am going to write about here. I beleive that self-esteem is a great booster to Charisma because people cannot like us more than we like ourselves and they tend to judge us in th e same way we judge ourselves. We had better be sure that the judgment we put upon ourselves is as positive as possible then. Have you ever watched the show would you fall for that where they try to get people to do things based on psychological principles? It is pretty interesting. They got some people to face the oppo9sie way on an elevator using the principle of conformity. The principle of conformitymeans that we tend to conform to the views and behavior of those around us. I am convinced that most people are like sheep and follow the dictates of anyone who seeems to show authority.  I think it is even more true that your own view of yourselfw ill dictate other people’s response more than the principal of conformity is effective. A person cannot like anyone more than they like themselves and everyone responds positively to  a person who likes them.The way people dress can also influence how they are percieved. It is narrow minded but;people do judge you on how you look. It is therefore helpful to pay attention to how you dress. A book such as “Dress For Success” can help people succed in their Career. There are separate books for men and women. According to the Author John Molloy there is an established dress code for the corporate world. The book also helps a person choose clothing based on their physical features. The physical body is also a point of consideration. Physical attractiveness tends to work in favor of men but;maybe not in favor of women or at least as much.  There is still some discrimination against people who are overweight and that also effects how peopel are perceived. If someone is overweight it may be helpful to look into ways of using clothing tot heir best advantage as well as losing weight of course. Clothing and Grooming are important factors in appearance. Being able to speak well is another consideration in appearances. A person shuld try to use good grammar and speak at the level of understanding that the person they are communicating with understands. They should not talk above that persons intelligence or to be condescending by using simplistic language. It is also a concern when a person who is in one field and is communicationg with someone who is not from that discipline should consider.Unfamilair jargon can create a distance between people. Whether it is fair or even accurate a person is judged by how they  communicate to others. ” How To Win Friends and Influence people” by Dale Carnegie is a classic book that everyone should read and apply the principles of. Being able to reremmenber a person’s name is important and not being able to makes the other perosn feel unimportant. When a person talsk to someone they shold make them feel tlike the center of attention at that moment. Being distracted or iving th eimprsssion you are more interested in someone else is to be avoided. When you are having a conversation with someone it is best to show a genuine interest in them and talk to them about theirterms of interest. There is a psycholgoical principle that says people judge youin the first 30 seconds of contact. Suppose you met someone and they bored you with their conversation at your first meeting but the next time you saw them they spoke more in terms of what interests you. The probablity is that you would still consider them a bore because of this principle of primacy. It is difficult to overcome first impressions and it is important to realize this when we meeet people for the first time. You can also ask questions about soemone and their interests and that is mor eeffective tha you think. There is a story about Dale Carnegie meeting a socialite who had heard he had a reputation as a good converstaionalist. Dale learned that she had recently gone o Africa and he asked her about her trip and who she went with and other details. The socialite reported in her column that Dale wasw undoubtedly one of the best converstaionalists she had met.  He asked questions and did not try to dazzle her with his brilliance. Being a good listener is important and to be an active listener is not an easy skill to deevelop. At a minimum we need to look the person in the eye and look interested and repeat back what they said so they know they were understood. We also want to be intelligent without coming off as a know it all. You can get a lot of information on the internet and it may be useful to keep up with current events. Obviously you have to be careful about the discussion of politics though. Good humor is useful as long as it is tasteful. It can lighten a tense moment. Men and women are different and You might want to read Dr Deborah Tannen’s book”You Just Don’t Understand” for ome insights into this.

Toxic Anger

I know of people who are constantly in a state of anger. They may rant on their Facebook page or blog about a list of pet peeves. The book of Proverbs tells us that a wise man is slow to anger.Anger is a destructive force and as with any emotion it can become toxic. It can dominate a person’s entire perspective on life and even make them physically ill.There may be a lot of reasons soemone thinks they can justify their anger but, they need to take a look at themselves if anger is their constant companion. If you stop and think about it anger hurts those who have it more than those it may be directed against. A lot of us may have what we seem to think injustices done against us. We often expect life to be fair but,it isn’t. When someone is angry they are in reaction and therefore not in control. It may also be better just to ignore percieve slights . It may be better to wait for a clearer head to deal with a problem rationally. Anger can permanently harm relationships with other people and you can never take back what you say. People will be far more compelled to your problems and complaints if you state them calmly instead of berating them for their part in the problem. I think it is helpfulto continue to remind one’s self that anger simply harms their happines sand mental health. Some people may need some type of therapy if the problem is too severe. Remember,Anger is hazardous to your happiness.

It starts with The person

If you want abetter life you can start by taking absolute responsibility for your own Life.You are responsible for your own life if you are and adult of sound mind and body. I don’t mean that misfortune and every bad thing in your life was caused by you. What I do mean that you are resonsible for dealing with it as best you can.. Our culture often encourage people to think of themselves as victims maybe because of race,sex,classand other circumstances but,we have to resist the tempoataion to take the easy way out and let ourselves off the hook. Excuses don’t feed the buldog and they are a very poor consoltaion prize. The trouble with being a victim is that a person ispowerless to help themselves. Unfortunately there are politicians and others who benefit from making people feel powerless. As Ronald eagan said “Government is no the soluion to our problems.” A lot of people have what is known as an external locust of control. The ymay beleive that their failure to succeed is due to bad luck or some external influence on their life. Peopl have to understand that if they live in a free society then there is much they have to say about whether or not they will be successful. It is interesting that a lot of people who succed in business are immigrants from other countries. I beileve that it is because they can see and value the freedom and opportuities they have. They likely have an internal locust of control. An internal locust of control means that a person beleives they have a lot of control over their lives and that what happens to them is greatly under their own control. It is best to have an internal locust of control for one’s happiness and mental health. Studies show that those who believe they have more control over their lives actually do. It is easy tounderstand why this is the case. In the final analysis it is what people do that determines their success or failure in life s well as their happiness. The failure to take action is to live by default and most of us won’t like the result.

A great deal of…

A great deal of talent is lost to the world For want of a little courage. – Sydney Smith