Charisma and Human Relations

10 Aug

Charisma is one of those qualities which is difficult to describe,yet we seem to recognize it in people when we see it. I have what I some thoughts on the subject that I am going to write about here. I beleive that self-esteem is a great booster to Charisma because people cannot like us more than we like ourselves and they tend to judge us in th e same way we judge ourselves. We had better be sure that the judgment we put upon ourselves is as positive as possible then. Have you ever watched the show would you fall for that where they try to get people to do things based on psychological principles? It is pretty interesting. They got some people to face the oppo9sie way on an elevator using the principle of conformity. The principle of conformitymeans that we tend to conform to the views and behavior of those around us. I am convinced that most people are like sheep and follow the dictates of anyone who seeems to show authority.  I think it is even more true that your own view of yourselfw ill dictate other people’s response more than the principal of conformity is effective. A person cannot like anyone more than they like themselves and everyone responds positively to  a person who likes them.The way people dress can also influence how they are percieved. It is narrow minded but;people do judge you on how you look. It is therefore helpful to pay attention to how you dress. A book such as “Dress For Success” can help people succed in their Career. There are separate books for men and women. According to the Author John Molloy there is an established dress code for the corporate world. The book also helps a person choose clothing based on their physical features. The physical body is also a point of consideration. Physical attractiveness tends to work in favor of men but;maybe not in favor of women or at least as much.  There is still some discrimination against people who are overweight and that also effects how peopel are perceived. If someone is overweight it may be helpful to look into ways of using clothing tot heir best advantage as well as losing weight of course. Clothing and Grooming are important factors in appearance. Being able to speak well is another consideration in appearances. A person shuld try to use good grammar and speak at the level of understanding that the person they are communicating with understands. They should not talk above that persons intelligence or to be condescending by using simplistic language. It is also a concern when a person who is in one field and is communicationg with someone who is not from that discipline should consider.Unfamilair jargon can create a distance between people. Whether it is fair or even accurate a person is judged by how they  communicate to others. ” How To Win Friends and Influence people” by Dale Carnegie is a classic book that everyone should read and apply the principles of. Being able to reremmenber a person’s name is important and not being able to makes the other perosn feel unimportant. When a person talsk to someone they shold make them feel tlike the center of attention at that moment. Being distracted or iving th eimprsssion you are more interested in someone else is to be avoided. When you are having a conversation with someone it is best to show a genuine interest in them and talk to them about theirterms of interest. There is a psycholgoical principle that says people judge youin the first 30 seconds of contact. Suppose you met someone and they bored you with their conversation at your first meeting but the next time you saw them they spoke more in terms of what interests you. The probablity is that you would still consider them a bore because of this principle of primacy. It is difficult to overcome first impressions and it is important to realize this when we meeet people for the first time. You can also ask questions about soemone and their interests and that is mor eeffective tha you think. There is a story about Dale Carnegie meeting a socialite who had heard he had a reputation as a good converstaionalist. Dale learned that she had recently gone o Africa and he asked her about her trip and who she went with and other details. The socialite reported in her column that Dale wasw undoubtedly one of the best converstaionalists she had met.  He asked questions and did not try to dazzle her with his brilliance. Being a good listener is important and to be an active listener is not an easy skill to deevelop. At a minimum we need to look the person in the eye and look interested and repeat back what they said so they know they were understood. We also want to be intelligent without coming off as a know it all. You can get a lot of information on the internet and it may be useful to keep up with current events. Obviously you have to be careful about the discussion of politics though. Good humor is useful as long as it is tasteful. It can lighten a tense moment. Men and women are different and You might want to read Dr Deborah Tannen’s book”You Just Don’t Understand” for ome insights into this.

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